Like Birds
by MissMandS
Summary: The thing about cancer is there's no amount of flowers, hugs, kisses, games or promises that when your significant other needs your heart, you'll give it to them can save them.


The thing about cancer is there's no amount of flowers, hugs, kisses, games or promises that when your significant other needs your heart, you'll give it to them can save them. Bilbo's dying. The cancers back, spreading rapidly and too aggressively to be treated. The phone sits on the bed ignored as Ori stares at the wall. He has six months left with Bilbo. An estimate on his love's life—six months to a year they said. Ori doesn't look at his phone. Doesn't text Bilbo or call him that night as he lays on his bed and wonders: why him? Why not me? Why Bilbo Baggins? He doesn't know and there's no rhyme or reason to it.

At his begging Dori agrees to take him to Bilbo's house. Primula answers the door looking haggard. When she greets them her voice is raw and she winces as tears slip down her cheeks. Dori wraps an arm around her shoulder and guides her towards a chair, talking too quietly for Ori to hear. He goes past them to the living room where the TV plays quietly. Bilbo lies on the couch under a pile of blankets, Frodo on the floor. Ori sits down by Bilbo's feet and stretches his hand across the mountain of blankets to link their fingers together. He bring himself to meet Bilbo's eyes.

"I'd give every organ in my body if it meant healing you." Ori finally says as the movie playing on the TV comes to an end.

"I know you would." Bilbo whispers and squeezes his hand as Dori and Primula join them in the living room.

"We've discussed it and with your brother's permission I've decided to allow you to live here with us for the time being Ori," Primula says. "I—I can't do this alone and I know you don't want to be away from Bilbo." Ori looks to Dori and his older brother nods.

"I'll bring some of your things over later," He says and turns towards Primula. "Nori and I are just a phone call away. And that goes for the rest of the family too. We'll help with whatever we can."

Ori has been to Bilbo's house many times before. But now it's different. Bilbo's been moved to a guest room so he doesn't have to struggle with the stairs. Ori sleeps next door and Primula and Drogo down the hall. His first night there he wakes up several times to Primula creeping down the hall in slippered feet. The walls are paper thin and he can hear her speak to Bilbo.

"I know you're sleeping," She whispers. "And I'm scared if you're dreaming that it's a nightmare. I don't want you to thrash around or fall. So I hope if you're dreaming it's of Ori. He's here you know? Right next door if you need him and I'm just a couple doors down." There's a long silent pause before he hears her slippered feet creeping back down the hall once more. And an even longer pause before he hears Bilbo whisper: 'I know Prim.'

In the early hours of the morning before the suns even up, Drogo is leaving. Ori hears him in the kitchen, hurried and desperate as he rushes out of the house. When he hears the door close he rises from the bed and sneaks next door to Bilbo's room. He slips an arm around Bilbo's waist and holds his breath until finally Bilbo reaches up and pats his hand.

* * *

When Bilbo feels good enough, Fili and Kili come over to take him and Ori out. Primula watches them leave from the window until the cars out of sight. Her eyes are red and puffy, violet bags under her eyes. Bilbo keeps his gaze ahead, his fingers linked with Ori's. The boys don't mention Bilbo's cancer, don't mention anything. There's not much talking exchanged but this is the first time in a long time Ori's seen a little smile on Bilbo's face.

In the movie theater, Bilbo manages a couple sips of a soda and leans against Kili not even halfway through the movie. When they hear him his quiet snoring the three boys share smiles. It will be their last real outing with Bilbo. And as they take a picture outside the movie theater, Ori can see in Fili and Kili's eyes they know this as they hug him tightly.

A lot of days are spent sitting and staring out the window at the clouds. Bilbo looks longingly at the front yard but keeps sighing. Ori's gaze flickers towards him, reaching over to squeeze his hand on occasion. Frodo joins them on one of those days, his nose wrinkled in distaste as he follows their gaze.

"Why are you looking at the sky?" Frodo demands and wiggles his way onto Ori's lap.

"I like the clouds," Bilbo mutters. "And do you remember Frodo how I told you that when people pass away—we go up into the sky?"

"Like birds?" Frodo asks.

"Yeah," Bilbo nods. "Like birds. Do you know how your mom told you that I'm really sick again?" Frodo nods and suddenly looks nervous as he gazes at Bilbo.

"I'm going to be a bird," Bilbo whispers and Frodo's eyes widen. "So when you're sad or scared. Just look around for a bird and know that I'm right there with you. And I'm watching over you." Ori buries his nose into Frodo's curls and prays neither one of them sees his tears.

In the final days Bilbo sleeps a lot. Primula cries a lot, Drogo works a lot and Frodo is confused. Ori tries his best to manage all of it. Dori and other members of his family come over at Primula's request with food and to help with laundry, cleaning. Fili, Kili and Ori take Frodo to the park, the movies, and the arcade— anywhere to keep him away from all of this. Each time he sees a bird, he stops and points at it excitedly, shouting 'there's Bilbo'. It takes all the strength in Ori not to breakdown throughout the day. He doesn't want Primula or Drogo or Frodo to see him cry. More than anything he doesn't want Bilbo to see him cry. But sometimes, especially in those last days he does.

Nights are the worst. Bilbo's body has been weakened so much and he's hooked up to a morphine drip with a hospice nurse on call. All he does nowadays is sleep. The moments he's awake are painful. He needs the support of a walker and somebody hovering by his sides to get him safely to the bathroom. Ori's grateful for the times that he's asleep. Nights are the worst though because Ori can't sleep.

He looks at old pictures from when he and Bilbo were first together and their time in the hospital. Sometimes Frodo creeps out and sits with him. A lot of times though it's just Ori and Bilbo, Ori stroking Bilbo's curls and praying that he'll sleep through the night.

* * *

Bilbo Baggins can't be saved. The thing about cancer is there's no amount of flowers, hugs, kisses, games or promises that when your significant other needs your heart, you'll give it to them can save them. Ori's stroking Bilbo's curls when he takes his last breath. He's stroking his curls when the hospice nurse comes. When Primula tells them not to perform CPR. When Bilbo's body is taken away, Ori's there. He doesn't cry at first. Not until Frodo hugs him and says that Bilbo's a bird now.

The funeral is the worst of it. Ori stays in the car as long as he can, staring out the windshield at the people gathering. He can't get out of the car. He won't. He'll sit in the car and pretend he can hear them. Ori's determined to do all of this. He's going to do all of this. Until he looks up and sees a hummingbird floating by the window, staring at him expectantly.


End file.
